i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
