i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
