somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
