the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
