it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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