Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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