I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
