Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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