she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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