He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
