so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
