Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just pee around me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
