i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
