11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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