24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
