What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
