is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just had sex on a roof
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
