In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
