im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
