So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
