I puked a lego.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
