are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
