After last night, I could never be a politician.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
