In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
