It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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