i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need a beard to bite.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
