waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
