Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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