It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I pour the whiskey from now on
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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