yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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