I haven't been this sober since birth.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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