those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
