she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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