end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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