Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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