just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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