All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dick very happy bro
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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