I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
