Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
