Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
