Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
