God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
one two three fourrrrnication!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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