All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
