How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
