you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
