A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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