Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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