when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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