why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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