I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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