Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
