we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I believe in your delicious
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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