i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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