Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
