Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
